Fear series 1: Fear of Writing Blog..

Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them... they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight. ~Orison Swett Marden

When I was in fourth standard I tried to write a story, I started writing, after writing few pages, before completing, I showed to my mother and few trusted people. I still remember my mama appreciated me but some of my dear ones laughed at me. Obviously the story was stupid. I felt shy and didn’t complete it. I had forgotten that once I had a wished to become a writer.

When I was in seventh standard of my high school life, I had submitted a poem, a stupid poem on corruption, to our school’s magazine co-ordinator. It was not selected for publication. Those days are happy days, the feeling of failure never hunted me. There was always something to do and something to think and never got time to feel sad about the failure of past. But I had completely forgotten the feeling of writing.

Thanks to my professor and few very good friends of my college, because of them I have started feeling of writing after long years of my life. But the difficulty was answering the questions - for whom to write, for what to write and what to write? These are the questions I had to answer before started writing. Yes I found the answers - I would write for myself, I would write because I feel writing and I would write anything about whatever I feel.

I found blogging is a good option for practicing my writing. Yes I opened my blog on February 2010 but I could not write anything. Why? Because I feared, I was feared of writing.

Hold on! Am I feared of writing? I did introspection why I fear of writing. And found few reasons, reasons that showed me the medicine of curing my fear too.

The first reason I found was I am not a good writer and I never wrote before. Ok if it is the real reason for my fear I should not have thought of writing because I was not born as writer. And obviously I have to start from the beginning, in the beginning stage how I will be good at what I do?

The second reason was I am feared of mistakes. Everybody fears of mistakes, so I am. But is it the real reason for my fear of writing blog? The mistakes may be the grammatical mistake and spelling mistake. If it is grammatical mistake I should not feel ashamed because English is not my mother tongue. And being a human being how can I escape from the trap of mistake.

The third reason is I am too much worried of what other will think about me. Will they laugh at me because of my writing, will they think that I am a stupid, or will they find my mistakes?

But all these reasons were baseless and completely wrong. The real reasons are I was not confident, I had no courage to follow my wishes, I was over pessimist about what other will think about me, in reality nobody has the time to think and judge me. Therefore all the reasons are just illusions.

“Fear itself is an illusion I conclude”.

Love u 2011.... but I have to say bye bye....

I am not a boring guy, and don’t perceive me as boring guy just because in this evening of New Year, I am sitting alone in my room with a hot cup of Assam tea thoroughly mixed with Nestle milk...  ... Sometime loneliness is the best partner to be sitting with. Accompany of hot tea and little chilling weather is a perfect match. After some time my mama and echan(sister) will return from their New Year evening walk. Before returning them to home, let me thank 2011 for everything and for good and very good experiences (every difficult moment I went through are very good experiences because I learnt many thing from those).

2011 loved me, kissed me, kicked me and some time threw me far from my wishes and wants to make me stronger and wiser, though I am not sure whether I became stronger and wiser, but one thing is sure that, I have changed a lot in both in-side and out-side. The chilling temperature of Delhi and Lucknow, the aggressive nature of Delhi city, the soft and sweet Hindi language of Lucknow, the soft nature of Kolkata, the aggressive and humid climate of Chennai with soothe nature of Chennai beach, welcoming and familiar nature of Guwahati are few memorable moments given to me as gift by 2011.

2011 gave me a new job with many hopes in it and snatched my old job that is not fit to my personality and not matching with my future goal. It is the year that shows my path where I have to travel.
Over all 2011 was a great year for me, it was great because of people whom I have interacted, the lessons they taught me and the love and care they gave me and the wishes they conveyed me.

I am also sure that this 2012 will be more interesting one. Let this New Year’s celebration washes all the sorrows of bomb blast, earth quake, economic blocked and many more sufferings.